In Relation to Food

 

I’ve been thinking about food a lot the last few days.  Okay, let’s face it…I think about food a lot – every day!  But seriously, I came to the realization that I’ve had a very dysfunctional relationship with food for the majority of my adult life.

It began when I was 20 and in an abusive marriage.  My husband at the time, demanded perfection.  He used food as a punishment, a way to control me.  Every day of our married life he let me know I was overweight and inadequate in every possible way.  I weighed 110 pounds when we got married.  By Thanksgiving, nearly 3 months after our wedding, I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and weighed all of 97 pounds because of him limiting my food consumption.  In front of some of my co-workers, he angrily told me that I was, “fat, hideous and repulsive.”  A few days later, I miscarried the baby that I hadn’t even told my husband that I was carrying.  I didn’t realize until over 20years later that because of how malnourished and thin I was, I already had a small baby bump that early in my pregnancy which, I’m sure, added to his thoughts that I was fat.

When that marriage ended, I briefly dated a couple of really great guys – who just happened to all be cooks by trade.  Hmmmm.  The man I ended up marrying was a chef.  I didn’t consciously seek out men who cook, but you can’t tell me there wasn’t something under the surface that found that appealing. 

About 6 or 7 months after my second husband and I got married, I had gained some weight and was now up to 115 pounds.  I was actually at a healthy weight and was beginning to look healthy, too, yet I was horrified!  I was so afraid that my new husband was going to leave me because I was fat.  I struggled through our entire marriage with negative body image and my relationship with food was love/hate.  I loved food, but hated that I had gained weight.  I felt ugly and fat and my first husband’s words continued to taunt me no matter how much my second husband tried to reassure me that I looked good and that he thought I was beautiful.

A little less than a month before our fourth wedding anniversary, my second husband died from an aortic aneurysm.  I was 26 years old and utterly devastated.  My dysfunctional relationship with food intensified and morphed into something very ugly.  I would go days without eating because of my grief and then I would turn to food as my “drug of choice” to numb my grief.

I’ve never thought of me as having an eating disorder, but as I look back on it, I can see that I really did.  Not anything that I’ve ever heard a label for, but still not a healthy relationship with food or my mental health at all. 

Over the years my weight would balloon up to 186 pounds at my heaviest.  I sought comfort in food when I was sad or angry.  I would use food to celebrate or fill a void when I was bored.  I am definitely an emotional eater.  I would diet periodically, lose weight, just to feel empty and still inadequate, so I would turn back to my unhealthy eating habits. 

Then I learned that I had hypothyroidism, which makes it difficult for me to lose weight, among many other symptoms.  So, I had a built-in excuse for not losing weight without taking any responsibility for my own unhealthy choices and without changing my eating habits. 

I finally grew weary of feeling tired and having no energy and hating myself for the way I looked and felt.  I joined a weight-loss program and in around a year and a half, I lost 53 pounds and was finally back to a healthy weight.  Yet, I felt horrible!  I loved the way I looked, but I still had worsening symptoms that eventually led to me being diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  Before that diagnosis I was suffering from severe anxiety, chronic fatigue, almost constant upset stomach, bloating, aching joints and eventually, hives and periodic anaphylactic reactions.  For around three years my doctor worked to find a correct diagnosis and treatment but nothing was working.  I became afraid of food.  I didn’t know what was causing me to have these reactions and so all food became the enemy.  I began keeping a food diary to try to track when my symptoms would appear.  There didn’t seem to be any connection. 

Then I had an anaphylactic reaction so severe that I nearly died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.  This led to my Celiac diagnosis.  Thus, my dysfunctional relationship with food took an unexpected turn.  When I was finally diagnosed with Celiac Disease, I had no idea what gluten was or what foods contained it.  I had to do the research on it myself.  I lost weight initially because I wasn’t eating much.  My anxiety was unbearably high.  The first year post diagnosis was such a struggle as I learned by trial and error.  Eating became a chore.  I had to eat to live, but it took a while to figure out what was safe for me to eat.  It was daunting and felt hopeless at times.

Once I finally figured things out, I went on the hunt for gluten free “replacements” for many of the foods that I’d had to give up for the rest of my life.  Most of the gluten free replacements were very unhealthy.  I felt deprived, so I wanted to fill that void – with more food.

Because of the nature of my disease, I have to think about food.  I have to constantly be on my guard to make sure that I don’t ingest gluten in any form.  It means that participating in special things such as events at work that include a meal, when a co-worker brings treats in for the office, wedding receptions, any kind of gathering where food is present can be difficult and awkward.  Even just getting together with family can be stressful because they can have all of this wonderful and delicious food and I’m stuck with a very limiting diet.  Most of the time, I’m ok with it and I’ve gotten used to it over the past 9 plus years.  Once in a while, though, it gets to me and makes me feel left out and separate from the rest.  It can honestly make me angry that I have this damn disease.  Again, it is my own personal, difficult relationship with food.  The dysfunction is just different than it was before this diagnosis.

What is the answer?  I wish I knew.  I am working to have a better relationship with food.  It is difficult, when you have to constantly be on your guard concerning food, to not let it consume you.  It can feel quite overwhelming at times.  The best I can do, the best anyone can do, is take it one day, one meal at a time.  I hope to one day have a healthy relationship with food.  That is the goal.  I know a big part of that is having a healthy relationship with my body image and learning to accept myself.

I am nothing, if not a work in progress.

Catching Up

Oh, hello there.  It's been awhile since I've seen you.  How have you been?  So much has happened since we last communicated in January, 2020.  Is that an understatement, or what?!  

So, I'll catch you up a bit on what has happened in my world in the past few years.  First, Covid happened to EVERYONE.  Wow did that shake things up and wreak havoc on the world!  As everyone was still trying to figure out how to stay safe during the pandemic, we were dealing with work as usual as the company my husband and I worked for (he's now retired, but I am still working for this company) is considered an essential business as we furnish farm and ranch supplies as well as essential items for home, gardens, automotive, hardware, etc.  While it made many of us nervous to have to still go to work every day because most of our jobs could not be done remotely, we were still very grateful that we weren't dealing with the isolation that so many had to endure.  I won't go into the difficulties we had during the pandemic because they were pretty universal.  Everyone endured hardships, loss and much more during this time.

We're coming up on two years since my husband was diagnosed with Stage II tonsil cancer.  After his treatment began, the oncologist called it, more accurately, neck cancer, as his tonsils didn't have any cancer.  Anyone who has gone through having a loved one with cancer or having cancer themselves knows that the next months were very difficult.  It has been over a year and a half since he finished his cancer treatments, but he still has effects from the radiation, though they are becoming less all the time.  His treatment consisted of radiation five days per week for seven weeks and then chemo once a week for the duration.  The radiation was on his neck so it affected his ability to swallow in a big way.  Much of his taste has returned, though some things still don't taste quite right to him and spicy food, which he has always loved, has been problematic.  He is getting to the point finally, where he can eat a little bit of spicy again.

We are very blessed that every check up he has had since finishing his treatment has been great!  He remains cancer free and we expect that to continue.  Going through cancer during the pandemic was extremely challenging and isolating.  Dave was out of work for about half of his treatment and for around 8 weeks after it ended.  The only places he went was the cancer center and home.  I fought to stay healthy so that I wouldn't bring any germs to him that could be devastating due to his compromised immune system.  We actually did really well as neither of us got Covid - until this past July.  I was worried how it would affect him, but as it turned out, it hit me MUCH harder than it hit him!  But, we are both doing well at this time.  I have had some larger flare ups of some of my Celiac symptoms simply from the stress of everything.  But I am working hard to take care of myself and have learned the benefits of rest and relaxation.

So, now that we have caught up a bit, I'm curious to hear from you and how you have been doing through the past couple of years.  If you have had Covid and have autoimmune issues, how did it affect you?

On to some fun stuff now.  Even though I haven't written a blog post for far too long, I have continued to post content on my Siouxland Celiac Facebook and Instagram accounts.  These posts include many gluten free recipes that I've been making.  One of my most recent recipes that I have made is a spin-off from my Great-Aunt Jean's quiche recipe.  This breakfast casserole is delicious and hearty and makes a big batch.  Allergen Alert: contains eggs and dairy

Hearty Breakfast Casserole

Ingredients:

6 large eggs

3 C milk or milk substitute (I used unsweetened cashew milk)

1 C Gluten Free Bisquick

1/2 C + 2 T Canola Oil or Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)

Salt & pepper to taste

1 pound gluten free bacon - fried or baked (I baked mine - see notes below), then cut into bite-sized pieces

1 C shredded sharp cheddar

1 small package of frozen hash browns, thawed

1 small onion, diced

1 T dried parsley

1 T dried basil

1/3 C Feta cheese crumbles

For your bacon, preheat the oven to 400 and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper (I didn't have any so I just placed it directly on the pan - parchment makes for easier cleanup and cooks the bacon more evenly).  Bake for 45 minutes to an hour, depending on desired crispness.  This will be used in a casserole, so it doesn't need to be very crispy for that.

While the bacon is cooking, combine eggs, milk, GF Bisquick, oil and seasonings in a medium mixing bowl.  Mix together with a wire whisk until blended.  The batter will be a bit lumpy.  In a 9x13 casserole dish, use a tablespoon of oil to grease the bottom and sides of the dish.  Place the thawed hash browns in the bottom of the dish and spread them evenly.  Sprinkle feta crumbles and diced onion on top of the hash browns.  Pour the egg mixture on top of the potatoes, onion and feta crumbles.  After the bacon is finished cooking remove and drain on a plate with paper towels.  Let the bacon cool enough to cut into bite-sized pieces and then place them on top of the mixture so the bacon is even across the entire casserole.  Top with cheddar.

Lower the oven temp to 350 once the bacon is finished cooking.  Place casserole on middle rack in the oven and cook, uncovered, for 45 minutes.  Cut and serve.  My husband loves this topped with some salsa for a little bit of a kick.

This casserole makes some pretty tasty leftovers, too.  I've enjoyed it for lunch a couple of days this week! 

Now it is time for the Catching Up Giveaway!!!  Yay!  I have help from a friend who is sponsoring this giveaway, Kallie at Fantastically Florida!  She has given me several items that she makes for the Awareness part of her online shop.  Here are the items offered in the giveaway.

Celiac Disease Awareness lapel pin, key chain and luggage tag are all provided by Fantastically Florida.  The necklace holds a small ball for essential oil therapy and is from my own label, Margo Makes.  In time for the cooler weather is a tall travel mug with herbal tea bags.  To enter:

1. Like and Share this post

2. Follow Siouxland Celiac on Facebook and/or Instagram (whichever you are on)

2. Tag 3 or more friends.  Every friend you tag is an extra chance to win.

Giveaway offer is open to only those in the continental United States.  Winner will be announced next Wednesday night, November 2nd.

 

Product Review: Mom's Place Gluten Free; Caramel Swirl Buns (not sponsored content)

One of my all time favorite breakfast pastries would be caramel sticky buns.  I haven't had any since my diagnosis and going gluten free 6 years ago and, boy do I miss them!  Though I have enjoyed quite a few cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting from my friend, Tina's former Better For You Bakery.  A while back, my friend, Kallie (mile_high_celiac) introduced me to the website momsplaceglutenfree.com and I was almost giddy as I searched through their many gluten free mix options!  WOW!  Was there a lot!  Before the holidays, I kind of went crazy and ordered a large variety of mixes from Mom's Place Gluten Free.  The first one I tried was the Caramel Swirl Buns, as it seemed like the perfect holiday breakfast treat.

I have to admit, I didn't have all of the equipment suggested on the packaging, but I made my own adjustments and it worked beautifully.  I didn't have individual 4" springform bun pans, so instead, I used some gluten free potato starch from Bob's Red Mill sprinkled on parchment paper and rolled the dough to 1/8 inch thickness (see image collage below).  

I sprinkled the brown sugar, cinnamon mixture on top of it and slowly, using the parchment paper, rolled it into a log and then cut 1 inch thick rolls out of it.  They didn't get large, but I was able to get 14 medium sized buns out of the dough!  Enough for me and to share with my non-gluten free husband and mom, who both loved them.

I didn't have a candy thermometer, either, for the caramel sauce, but I let it come to a rolling boil and tested by dropping a small amount into a cup of cold water.  When it is the right temperature, the caramel will form into a firm ball in the water.  It's old school, but it works.

I would have loved to have added pecan pieces, but I discovered that I was all out and I didn't feel like making a trip to the store to get more.  We still enjoyed them without the pecans.

The instructions on the mix were easy to follow and this was a lot of fun to put together.  The buns were light and flaky and practically melted in my mouth.  For 6 years I had to do without one of my favorite breakfast treats.  Now, thanks to Mom's Place Gluten Free, I can enjoy them once again.

Mom's Place Gluten Free Caramel Swirl Buns are not only gluten free, but also non-GMO and preservative free.  If you go to their website soon, you'll be able to purchase this mix on clearance.  While you're there, check out all of the other amazing products they have available.

**This review is not sponsored by Mom's Place Gluten Free or Bob's Red Mill or any other entity.  Siouxland Celiac received no compensation, monetary or otherwise, in exchange for this product review.  All opinions stated are my own for the purpose of sharing with the Celiac and Gluten Free community any gluten free products I've discovered and where to find them.**

Moving Forward

It's a new year and many people are making New Year's resolutions - or breaking them.  I've never really been one to make a New Year's resolution because they always seem to be something that sets you up to fail.  Everyone has BIG dreams of goals they want to set for themselves, yet, these goals seem to be tossed aside at the smallest stumble or if the results don't happen as quickly as we want them to.  

This was actually the message topic at my church this morning.  My pastor's new message series is a timely one called, "Habits".  This morning he spoke about why we fail at our resolutions or to set healthy habits.  Often, we dismiss our small good decisions as not mattering much.  The same with our small bad decisions.  The truth of the matter, as he pointed out, is that our lives are the sum total of ALL of the small decisions we make - good and bad.  If we don't see results right away, it can feel like it is never going to happen or that it takes too much work.

What I want to talk to you about today is about moving forward after a Celiac diagnosis or learning you have other health issues that would benefit from a gluten free diet.  What on Earth does any of that have to do with resolutions or habits, you may ask?  Good question.  One I plan to answer as I move forward (see what I did there) into the rest of the post.

1. DIAGNOSIS

The first thing that happens before anything else can is diagnosis.  If you think you may have Celiac Disease or someone else in your immediate family (parent, sibling or child) has been diagnosed, you need to get tested.  This includes blood test AND a confirming endoscopy.  It is possible to have a negative blood test and a positive endoscopy, so follow through is extremely important for correct diagnosis.  Note that you MUST still be consuming gluten until after your endoscopy.  This is vital for accurate results!  For more information about Celiac Disease, you can read a previous post of mine, What Is This Thing Called Celiac?

2. INFORMATION & EDUCATION

Once you've received a definitive diagnosis, you will need to live a 100% gluten free lifestyle.  There is so much to learn.  What is gluten?  How do I go gluten free?  What items are gluten found in?  If you're like I am, I went straight to a bookstore and then online.  I found a great book called, "The Gluten Free Bible", by Jax Peters Lowell.  She is a woman who has been living with Celiac Disease for a long time and has a lot of information in her book from the standpoint of someone who's been there and is living it every day!  For more great book resources, see my list at the end of this post.  On the internet, I found a ton of conflicting information.  It took me many months up to a year to really figure out which sources were reliable and which were not.  The biggest source I use as my go-to for information has been Beyond Celiac.  They have all kinds of information and great resources available and I highly recommend them as a great place to get started learning about Celiac Disease and being gluten free.  You can also read more in my post, Gluten Free 101.

3. GRIEF

This is one not many people talk about.  That was one of the things that I really appreciated about Jax Peters Lowell's book.  She states right out that you need to grieve.  Your life has just changed forever.  Your relationship with food has changed forever.  You have to say goodbye to so many favorites as well as convenience.  A couple of mine that still hurt to this day are KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) and REAL pizza!  I have yet to find a gluten free pizza that is as mouth-watering good as the pizza I've loved for most of my life from Godfather's, Pizza Hut, etc, though there are some delicious gf pizzas and recipes out there.  Not only does your relationship with food change, but, sad to say, some of your relationships may change, as well.  It's nobody's fault, it is just a lot to deal with.  YOU have to deal with it every moment of every day for the rest of your life, but those around you who don't have to be gluten free may get tired of your dietary needs dictating where you dine out or the fact that you may have to cancel at the last minute, plans that you've had for months because you're having a flare up.  It happens more than you would like - even if you are doing everything right.  Even as you are learning how to live with your new reality, you do need to allow yourself to grieve for everything you've lost, that you have to leave behind, and maybe even, in some cases, relationships that are never the same.  The important - critical thing about grieving is that you allow yourself time to grieve, but you don't stay there.

4. ACTION

Here's where the resolution and habits part comes in.  All the while after your diagnosis, as you are learning and even through your grieving stage, you need to take action in order to take back your health!  This means not only going gluten free, but learning to practice self-care in the forms of getting plenty of rest, staying hydrated, taking care of your spiritual health and making healthy choices all around.  The ONLY treatment option available (is that really an option, then?!) is to live 100% gluten free!  There is no medical treatment available - no pill or shot you can take.  You MUST be 100% gluten free.  This means you NEVER cheat!  If you cheat, even if you are asymptomatic (meaning you have no symptoms), you will still cause damage to the lining of your small intestines, which can, in turn, lead to other health issues, autoimmune disorders and even death.  This isn't like a weight-loss diet where if you cheat you just make an adjustment to the rest of your intake that day.  Just one small crumb of gluten can cause extensive damage to your intestinal lining.  It isn't worth it.  Many people have told me that they just couldn't go gluten free because they can't give up all of the foods they love.  When your health, your life depends on it, you can adjust to ANYTHING!  Don't fall into the pitfall that many newly diagnosed (including myself in the beginning) of seeking out gluten free versions of your favorite junk foods!  Like any "normal" food out there, the more processed, the more refined sugar, high sodium, etc. foods are the absolute worst things for you.  The same goes for processed gluten free products.  Be mindful of the ingredients you are putting into your body.  Remember, you are working to heal your gut and you need to create healthy new habits to aid in that healing with the goal of getting to remission (though, even in remission you can NOT go back to consuming gluten.  You are now gluten free for the rest of your life, even if you achieve remission, meaning the villi in the lining of your small intestine are healed).

5. ATTITUDE

Like anything else we go through in life, attitude makes a world of difference.  If you go into this with the attitude that this is too hard, I'll never make it - that is exactly what will happen.  Our attitude determines our success!  If you go into this with an attitude that you are going to work at it until it becomes second nature to you, you will succeed!  Your determination to stop feeling like crap and start feeling good for a change will spur you to keep with it, even if you don't begin to feel better immediately.  Everyone is different.  Different people heal differently.  Some people end up feeling worse before they eventually start to feel better.  Don't give up.  It is hard.  It can be painful.  It can be isolating.  BUT, that first day you realize that you actually feel good - completely well without fatigue, headache, body/joint aches or whatever symptoms you may have - you will realize that it has all been worth it.  That day won't be every day.  Flare ups happen and they can get discouraging.  Don't stay discouraged.  If you can go into this with a positive attitude and keep going back to that positive attitude even after discouraging setbacks, you'll make it through anything!

This is a new year, a new decade, a new chance for you to take control of your health.  It is doable!  I am living proof of that.  Yes, I still get sick - in fact I've been struggling with illness since Christmas Day and, though I am finally starting to feel better on January 5th, I'm still not fully recovered.  Even illness that is not Celiac related, like this current illness, can take longer recovery time because of my compromised immune system.  It happens.  It sucks!  BUT, I carry on, moving forward to become a healthier me.

Additional resources about living with Celiac Disease:

"The Gluten Free Bible" and other books by Jax Peters Lowell at https://jaxlowell.com/

"Dough Nation: A Nurse’s Memoir of Celiac Disease from Missed Diagnosis to Food Health Activism" by Nadine Grzeskowiak, RN and her informative podcasts at https://glutenfreern.com/podcasts/

"Jennifer's Way: My Journey With Celiac Disease--What Doctor's Don't Tell You and How You Can Learn to Live Again" by Jennifer Esposito.  She also has a wonderful gluten free cookbook out called, "Jennifer's Way Kitchen: Easy Allergen-Free, Anti-Inflammatory Recipes for a Delicious Life".  Check out Jennifer's podcast at https://www.chewthis.life/

Review: The Year 2019

This was originally intended to be a product review.  However, as this is my last blog post of this year and it is already late due to illness, I've decided to make it a review of  my year in 2019.

On many counts, not just my own, 2019 has been a very rough year and one that I'm not sorry to see go.  But it hasn't all been bad, either.  it has been a year of many changes and much growth.

We began 2019 much the way we always do, my hubby and me at home with our two fur-babies.  I honestly couldn't tell you the last time we were actually out for New Year's.  It's a struggle just being able to stay awake until midnight, the older we get.  I think last New Year's we made it up to see the ball drop in Times Square in New York on the tv and counted that, even though we had an hour to go here in Iowa.

My father-in-law, Pete, celebrates his 90th with all original parts!

March was a month of celebrations.  We celebrated my father-in-law's 90th birthday with a party after church the Sunday before his big day.  It was wonderful how many friends and family, including some from farther away, were able to make the trip to celebrate this wonderful man with us.  We also held a small get-together at the nursing home for my grandma's 97th birthday that month.  Many local family members were able to attend and though G'ma had dementia, it was a great day.  She knew everyone (well, almost - she struggled for a moment with my husband, but then told him that he reminded her a lot of her granddaughter's husband), she had a sparkle in her eyes and had an unusually wonderful day.  She was lucid and knew we were there to celebrate her, though she couldn't believe she was actually 97 years old!

My G'ma celebrating her 97th!

Then we went through the next several months struggling with shock, betrayal and pain as my father-in-law's wife (not my husband's mom - she passed away in 1994) of 23 years left him and filed for divorce, spreading horrible rumors and lies about him and about our family.  We stood helplessly by as his health began a rapid decline in the wake of being abandoned.  We all did what we could to be there for him and to help as much as possible, but the shock and sadness he experienced at going through a divorce at 90 years old took its toll.  And, all the while, he never had one mean or cross word to say about the woman who'd abandoned him.  These months were filled with much stress, anxiety and sadness for all of us as we tried to help him adjust.  

G'ma meeting her newest great-grandson.

Early in the morning on August 3rd, my mom received the call from the nursing home that my beautiful G'ma had died peacefully in her sleep.  Our time the next week was spent taking care of funeral arrangements and keeping in touch with my mom's siblings who were both traveling from far away to be here.  Just five days after my G'ma's funeral, my father-in-law ended up back in the hospital (he'd been hospitalized for several weeks soon after his wife left him).  We actually thought we were going to lose him that night, though, thankfully, we didn't.  Over the next few weeks, more arrangements were made and he got to see all of his children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, as well as his only remaining sister and her family.  On Sept. 2nd, along with my husband, his sister and her husband, we had the sad privilege of being with this wonderful man as he breathed his last.

l to r: Cary, Pete, Deb & Dave (my father-in-law and his kids)

So much of this year has been about stress, anxiety and mourning.  But at the same time, I've done a lot of healing and growing.  I've realized that I have actually finally come to terms with the limitations that my health issues put on me.  I still don't like them, but I've finally accepted that this is just part of my life and it doesn't have to be the end of that life.  During all of those months with what we were going through with my father-in-law, I had also been struggling with my own personal anxieties, depression, feelings of worthlessness.  Feelings that I thought I had long ago put behind me, but they have really been pulling me down over the past two years.  Thanks to some amazing and supportive friends, I've learned much about self-care over the past year and that taking time to take care of yourself isn't selfish, but necessary to living a healthier life, mentally and physically.  Thanks to time with my church family, I have grown by changing my focus from my weaknesses and inadequacies to believing in myself and being able to step out of my comfort zone and be there for others in a way I haven't felt like I could in a very long time. 

I have spent since Christmas Day sick with a terrible head cold.  Of course, since I have Celiac Disease and hypothyroidism, it takes so much longer to get over the simplest illness and it takes so much out of me.  My husband has also not been well over this past week.  We are actually taking some personal time off this week, intending to do some down-sizing and de-cluttering around home.  Nothing like illness to halt your plans, right?!  Though last week I was able to do a lot with working as a techie to prepare for and during our Christmas Eve service for church.  I love being so active with my church family, but doing so wore me out!  I'm so glad I got to participate, though!  It makes me feel alive to be able to serve.

This morning I had a dream right before I woke up.  It felt very real.  I was with my mom and we were walking through my grandparents' house.  I think part of what prompted this dream was that my husband and I, along with his sister and her husband recently finished cleaning out my father-in-law's house, the sale of which will be final this week.  The last day we were over there finishing up, as we left, my husband said to me, "This is probably the last time I'll ever be in my dad's house."  So, in my dream, my mom and I were in my grandparents' house - G'ma sold it over 15 years ago, yet I can picture clearly every nook and cranny of the home they'd lived in since before I was born.  In my dream, we walked through each empty room.  As I stepped into each room in turn, though it was completely emptied of all signs of the lives that had been lived there, I could picture each room when it was filled with furniture, plants, family and love.  When I awoke and realized that I fully remembered my dream - not something that happens often with me - it gave me pause.  The first feeling was sadness and the next was realization that I was saying good-bye.  This dream to me, wasn't just me saying good-bye to my grandma, my childhood.  It was saying good-bye to yesterday.  All the yesterdays.  How fitting that I had this dream on the last day of 2019.  While we hold our memories as treasures in our hearts, they are now past and whether the memory and experiences were good or bad, we move forward.  Hopefully, we move forward with more wisdom, courage, determination and focus because of what we have lived through, but we move forward nonetheless.

I know this post has not been a very uplifting one, but if you made it all the way through to the end, I hope that you are able to see what my message is.  I've said so many times this year how I am so over it and ready to move on.  We don't know if tomorrow will bring joy or sorrow, success or hardship, but we do know that whatever it brings, tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow is another chance.  Tomorrow offers us opportunities we may have missed today or yesterday.  We can't change what happened yesterday, but we can learn from it, grow from it and move on from it.  After all, tomorrow is another day.

May your 2020 be full of happiness, love and restoration and may you find the strength to face whatever may come your way.

Recipe: Gluten Free Homemade Hot Cocoa Mix

I don't know where you live, but here in Iowa, winters get  very long and frigid.  Who doesn't love a hot, steaming cup of rich, chocolaty hot cocoa to make you feel warm and cozy on a cold, snowy night?  I have many fond memories of making homemade hot cocoa mix with my mom when I was growing up and it was so delicious!  I haven't made any for decades, so I decided that this was the year I was going to do it.  And it was well worth it!

Ingredients:

1 pound non-fat, dry milk

2 cups cocoa powder (I used unsweetened cocoa powder)

1 1/2 cups powdered coffee creamer

2 cups powdered sugar

Stir all ingredients together until well-blended and then pour into glass storage jars or a gallon Ziploc bag.  To use, place 1/3 cup of the mixture into your cup, add hot water and stir.  Mixture may be kept in a freezer bag in the freezer - as if you'll have it around long enough for that.  This recipe is so simple and tasty.  It is a wonderful flavor you won't be able to resist.  I add a peppermint stick or top with whipped cream and cinnamon.

You can double this recipe to split out and give as gifts to family and friends.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas from Siouxland Celiac!

Gluten in Medication Disclosure

If you have Celiac Disease or are gluten free for other health reasons you know that you have to be on the lookout for gluten not only in your food and beverages, but also in beauty products, household cleansers and even in our medications.

Like many other Celiacs, I also have hypothyroidism.  I was actually diagnosed with my thyroid condition decades before I found out about my Celiac Disease, which I believe I've actually had longer.  I just recently read a conversation thread on a Celiac page I follow on Facebook where several people who also have hypothyroidism were comparing problems they've had with various thyroid medications such as Synthroid and Levothyroxine.  I have been on both of these medications at one time or another, beginning with Synthroid and then the pharmacist switched me to Levothyroxine several years later, well before I was diagnosed with Celiac.  Most recently the pharmacy switched me from the Levothyroxine to Euthyrox, which I'd never heard of.  They didn't tell me when I picked up my refill that they had switched my medication and I didn't look at it until I got home from the store.  My first thought was panic that I had a new medication that I knew nothing about.  I was not happy with that at all, as the pharmacy I use has on record that I have Celiac Disease and didn't say a thing about the new medication.  

The sad truth is that, like too many doctors, pharmacists know very little about Celiac Disease since there is no medical or pharmaceutical treatment available for this disease.  However, I would have thought that since I have to be gluten free, they would have mentioned it when I went in to pick up my refill that I thought was Levothyroxine.  Before I ever took my first dose, I went online to research this product.  Unfortunately, I was unable to even locate any ingredients for this product, though I went directly to the company's webpage https://www.provellpharma.com/  This is very frustrating for me as I NEED to take my thyroid medication daily and suffer when I don't, but I also NEED to be confident that it is gluten free.  After thoroughly searching online to get information about this medication, I finally decided to contact the company this weekend to ask them outright.  I'll let you know what their response is once I hear back from them.  At this time I haven't had any adverse reactions, however, it does make me nervous for prolonged use of a medication that I don't know if it is safe or not.  I asked at the pharmacy to switch me back to the Levothyroxine (by the way, the only brand of Levothyroxine that is gluten free is Lannet brand).  They said that they don't have a good reason to unless I begin to have adverse reactions or my doctor insists that I have to have a specific medication.  They, also, couldn't tell me if the new medication is gluten free or not.  They didn't know.  They were very polite and courteous, but, unfortunately, that doesn't help me with knowing if this medication is safe for me to use.

Earlier this year, legislation was introduced by Representative Tim Ryan on the floor of Congress called the Gluten in Medicine Disclosure Act of 2019.  Unfortunately, no summary of this bill has been posted yet.  Our government moves very slowly.  This piece of legislation was introduced in April, 2019 and they still haven't posted a summary of it.  When they do, you'll be able to read it here.  There is other information available about this proposed legislation, though, that is worth reading.

This is such an important piece of legislation, that, if passed, would hugely impact everyone on any kind of medication who is gluten free for health reasons!

To learn more about this and how you can let your voice be heard regarding this vital matter to our community, visit Beyond Celiac.  Their website is where I first learned of this legislation.  This is your chance to make your voice heard!  As more is released about this proposed legislation I will keep you posted with updates.  

Until this is passed (I'm being optimistic and hopeful here that it WILL pass) we still have to do the research ourselves and hope for the best.  We are our own best advocates and we have to keep fighting together to get what we need in order to take care of our health and well-being.

12/16/19 Update:
I received a call back this morning from Provell Pharmaceuticals.  I was impressed that not only did they get back to me so quickly, but also that they made a phone call instead of just sending an emailed reply.  The representative was very helpful and was able to inform me that Euthyrox is, in fact, gluten free.  This is a huge relief to me and I greatly appreciate the prompt attention and the importance they placed on getting me this information.